Ignite Desire in a Relationship: Instructions for Use

Most couples turn to a sexologist due to lack of desire or even completely forgotten sexual activity. How can we explain these small interruptions? And what solutions are effective in increasing desire? In a couple’s daily life, several things can dampen sexual desire. Main sources: invasive screens and ” often excessive consumption of pornography or online sex “explains Sébastien Landry, psychosexologist specializing in cancerologycancerology.

” I meet many patients who no longer have sex, and often one of them is a fan of cybersexuality and sometimes secretly masturbates every day, leaving aside his sex life as a couple. This destroys a lot in the couple’s intimate life. “, he clarifies. Not to mention that excessive consumption of pornography harms the quality of erections and can cause a general feeling of dissatisfaction or even depression.

Are too many screens killing love?

Are there any other important points? ” Lack of time “, often associated with the problem ” time spent on small screens “, confirms Sebastian Landry. ” If you move the number of hours spent on phones or computerscomputersmost of us would find plenty of time to make love! » The mental workload also becomes overwhelming for some and leaves no room for spontaneity. ” Many of my patients have specific times during the week for intercourse. The rest is devoted to work, sports, children, walks. Some people also make excuses “, as if sex had been relegated to the background. ” This routine or avoidance is extremely detrimental to the desire of the other.. »

Finally, the completely different needs of the two members of a couple, in addition to the feeling of love, also weaken desire. ” Some say they want sex too much, others say not at all. But I don’t think there are any standards here. Everyone has their own needs “Sébastien Landry emphasizes. On the other hand, the situation may become more complicated. when an imbalance in this regard takes up a lot of space in a couple, when disagreements on the frequency of sexual intercourse create a conflict hiddenhidden “.

What are the solutions to correct the lack of desire?

• disrupt a routine by changing the day, time, place or sexual practice. ” For example, I advise my patients to spend time on foreplay. Many people mistakenly associate sexual intercourse with penetration. “Moreover, the rejection of this dogma allows many people to derive great pleasure from masturbation or oral sex;
• create sexual scenarios by sending your partner sexts and lewd photos. ” For consumers of online sex, this prevents the brain from consuming virtual images. All imagination and thereforeenergyenergy sexy will be dedicated to the couple who will benefit from balance and complicity ” ;
• test erotic podcasts individually or in pairs, which are different from pornographic videos and are often more subtle and more connected to real stories. A good way to activate your partner’s fantasies and sexual desire;
• Communicate about sexuality. ” Some of my patients have such an imbalance in their sex lives that their relationships are at risk. Before consulting, they are often full of preconceptions about the desires and fantasies of the other. “Simply because the topic of sexuality was not discussed calmly. ” Lack of communication about sex destroys the couple and sexual desire. “, Sebastien Landry testifies. Therapy allows you to get closer to the subject, discover or rediscover yourself on a sexual level. In a few sessions ” there are even people who say they don’t recognize their relationships or even recognize themselves because they are so satisfied with their new sexuality. ” ;
• Consult a sexologist if the situation does not improve despite several attempts to rekindle desire. “IHe advises people to come alone first to have a discussion that can sometimes be filtered when done in pairs. Then schedule a couple of activities every now and then. “, concludes Sebastien Landry.